What would your letter to the future say?

Reading the journals Mary had written in the months leading to her death reinforced what’s important to leave behind.

If you follow my blogs (and I hope you do!) you’ll see that I write a lot about legacies – the things we do to ensure our kids have comfortable and promising futures, or stuff that should be taken care of when we’re no longer there.

Much of that conversation centres around financial concerns. Last week I wrote about living inheritances, and in the past, I’ve discussed how we can ensure our children’s education is paid for, how to support the purchase of a first home, and many other such pressing topics.

Of course, those are the practicalities of financial concerns. That’s why a Last Will and Testament is so very important. If you haven’t prepared a Will, it’s critical that you do. Nobody knows what tomorrow might bring.

But the document I want to talk about today is a legacy letter. This isn’t a document that replaces a Will or Powers of Attorney document, but one that complements those legal papers with your own personal message.

A legacy letter is a document in which you record – in your own words, and as deep from within as possible – your personal hopes and lessons you’d like to pass forward to your surviving loved ones. This is your opportunity to state, in a lasting way, your values, memories, stories and thank you’s to those who mean so much to you.

Of course, this “letter” doesn’t have to be a physical piece of paper. It can be an audio or video recording; whatever method allows you to best express yourself. You could write one main letter, or individual messages to your children, grandchildren, and friends.

The thoughts left behind last forever.

My late wife Mary didn’t write a legacy letter. I doubt she’d even heard of such a thing. But she did put her thoughts into writing – and in her words I saw the power and importance of leaving behind a legacy letter.

During the last three years of her life, Mary kept a journal. Every single day she detailed what exactly she did, how she was feeling, and what her journey was teaching her. They’re raw and reveal her emotional state stripped bare, as she dealt with cancer, chemo treatments and saying goodbye to her family.

Every day for three years, she wrote. That’s more than 1,000 entries, each in her own hand (she had truly lovely penmanship!). I visit that journal often, and as hard as it is for me to read it, I can only imagine how difficult it was for her to write it.

Jottings from Mary’s journals:

Here’s a bit from Mary’s journal, written on January 1st, 2016:
“The start of a new and promising year, Happy New Year! I hope this year will be filled with good news of my recovery. I must remain positive to ensure positive results in January. I have the backing of my family and friends which means I can do this through their love and support. I’m grateful to have them.”

That positivity was difficult for her to hold onto. A year and a half later, on May 20th, 2017, Mary confided:
“I’m depressed because I can’t cope anymore. It seems like I don’t have any fight within me. I just can’t cope. I don’t know what to do, how can I continue? I am losing my drive. I cried myself to sleep after taking a sleeping pill.”

Another 17 months flew by and a quieter, introspective Mary marked our wedding anniversary. On October 11th, 2018, she wrote:
“We celebrate our marriage of 32 years. Rick has been by my side for all of these years and his love and support have been comforting. He is a great husband and individual who has respected and loved me throughout this diagnosis. I love him very much.”

Going through these journals is, of course, heartbreaking. But it’s comforting too. Flipping through the pages, I can hear her voice. When she’s happy, when she’s frightened, when she’s feeling loved and contentment. She’s there with me. And I’m with her.

So, while Mary’s journals technically aren’t a “legacy letter”, they were ultimately her way of sharing her thoughts, fears and wishes for the future with her family and, hopefully, for generations to follow.

Pen. Paper. Thoughts. How to write a legacy letter.

There’s no right or wrong way to write a legacy letter, no rules to follow. Believe me, this is about as personal a document – or series of documents – as you can imagine. But I’ve reviewed many legacy letters online, and they all have a similar thread running through them.

With that, I’d like to offer up a framework, something to guide you as you prepare your own legacy letter(s):

Think of who you are writing to. Is it a child, your spouse, or a dear friend?
Thank them for what they’ve brought to your life. (“Thank you for the endless miles we cycled together, and for the countless espressos and laughs we shared along the way.”)
Spell out two to five things that life has taught you. For me, I found that self-employment allowed me to create my own destiny.
Share what’s most important to you in life. My family is the most important asset I have. What’s yours?

Finally, if I could go back in time and advise Mary on the letters she never wrote, I would have suggested ones focused on each major life event yet to come for our children: major life events to come: graduation, first job, marriage, children, all the things she’d never witness herself.

Again, this is just a guide. All that matters is that you write from the heart. And rewrite it and rewrite it until it’s as honest as you can make it.

A legacy letter is a fluid document.

Once a legacy letter is written, that doesn’t mean it’s set in stone. Feel free to change it as your life changes. When I was younger, getting a good education and the perfect job was everything to me. Today, being an attentive parent and a good friend is what I value. (Btw, it’s always eye-opening to read what “younger you” has written – never throw out an “expired” legacy letter!)

If this blog, has you thinking about writing a legacy letter (or maybe it was already on your mind) and you’d like further guidance or some constructive feedback, I’d happily assist. Feel free to book an appointment with us and I’ll personally sit down with you to discuss it.

A letter may seem to be a small thing to leave behind, but its worth can be immeasurable. These are your words. Your thoughts. Your dreams and beliefs. Your hopes for your loved ones’ futures.

This is your true legacy.

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